I agree with all your comments. But the factoid no-one will mention, because we've become so good at making life easy, is that IT'S HARD. We've managed to eliminate physical work from our lives.
Yay.
No-one uses an actual shovel to dig ditches anymore.
We've managed to avoid ever being hungry or thirsty.
At first these developments seem good, the natural result of living in a Godly society, until we try applying them to our personal life. True, we're using our God-given intelligence to replace a shovel with a backhoe. The same intelligence lets us develop strains of corn that are so big, lets us take advantage of other advances that have ended hunger.
We should distinguish between the "hard" that makes practical life easier and the "hard" that living life the way God designed will sometimes lead to. They're different.
Yes—so well said. We’ve mastered the art of eliminating discomfort from our physical lives, but somewhere along the way, we started treating emotional, relational, and moral work the same way—like it was optional. Like it was too “hard” to stay married, too “draining” to discipline kids, too “outdated” to uphold commitment or sacrifice.
But you’re right: not all hard things are bad. Some hard things are holy. Some are the very things that give life weight, shape, meaning.
We weren’t designed for ease—we were designed for endurance. And when we strip life of all struggle, we also strip it of resilience, responsibility, and growth.
Thanks for this—it’s a powerful reminder that “easy” isn’t always good… and “hard” isn’t always bad.
The last sentence says it all, but there’s no “maybe” about it. You are right, the best way to “fix” this is focus on the family, making family and raising kids the priority. Not raising them to be super kids, not keeping the family together to achieve the super family, but decency, caring, and learning to love, respect and help support a unified family. An almost impossible task when outside forces, our culture, does everything to break it apart. I do believe it is slowly improving, people are becoming their own agency and creating alternative solutions. We’re still clawing our way back from the Covid tyranny.
Exactly. It’s not about perfection or performance—it’s about presence, decency, and showing up. That alone is revolutionary in a culture designed to tear families apart and keep us distracted, divided, and dependent.
I agree—there’s a quiet shift happening. More people are waking up, pulling away from the noise, and rebuilding from the ground up. It’s messy. It’s slow. But it’s real. And it starts exactly where you said: by making family the priority again.
Sometimes it’s mum who leaves. Often she takes the kids. Sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes it’s for good reason. Sometimes it’s not. There are fathers who leave, and there are fathers who are kept away
Absolutely. It’s not always the father who walks—it’s not always anyone’s fault in a clean, black-and-white way. Sometimes people leave because they have to. Sometimes they’re pushed out. And sometimes the ones who stay aren’t really there either.
But you're right: no matter who leaves, the kids are the ones who carry the fallout.
This isn’t about blaming one parent over the other—it’s about calling out the deeper fracture in how we treat family as disposable. When adults get caught in their own chaos, it’s the kids who end up raising themselves in the wreckage.
Thanks for naming that. We can’t fix what we won’t fully face.
Being a life long resident of "fly-over country", raised in a stable household of 7 children, married to another of 7 children, having raised 4 our own and now giving our best to the new grandchildren, all stable marriages and households, I absolutely cannot relate to the majority of which you speak. All life is a choice. Some are harder than others. That's where character and commitment comes in. I have little compassion for those who give up at the slightest challenge. Dig deeper
And honestly, I respect the hell out of that. What you describe is becoming rare—and that’s exactly why I’m writing about it. The fact that so many can’t relate to stability anymore is the point. It used to be normal. Now it’s almost countercultural.
You’re right—life is about choices, and character matters. But let’s not pretend everyone is handed the same starting line. Some people are born into chaos, brokenness, or generational wounds so deep they don’t even know what “normal” looks like. That doesn’t excuse giving up—but it does explain why so many are lost before they even begin.
We need voices like yours that have lived stability—not to shame others, but to model what’s still possible. Because you're proof that it can be done. And we need more of that.
Lots of mom's and dad's want little Sally or Johnny to be Rock Star's, Movie Stars, or Pro athletes. Just being a good neighbor would be something that needs taught in today's world also.....
Exactly. We’ve convinced an entire generation that if their kid isn’t gifted, branded, or breaking records by 12, they’ve failed. But what about raising a kid who’s kind? Loyal? Shows up on time? Keeps their word?
Being a good neighbor, friend, spouse, or parent used to be enough. Now it’s treated like settling. But maybe that’s the real success we forgot how to measure.
I think it would be more interesting to look at families that are NOT falling apart. If 1 out of 4 kids grow up in a house without a father, that means 3 out of 4 do have a father.
At least in my extended family and group of college friends, it's been more common for a marriage to be ended by death of a partner rather than divorce.
In fairness, in that group it's also extremely common for at least one child to be permanently estranged from parents, or the siblings from each other.
Totally respect that perspective—and it’s a good reminder that not every story is bleak. But the broader picture still matters. We're seeing a deep cultural shift where family bonds—whether through absence, silence, or unresolved wounds—are weakening across the board.
This isn’t about painting everyone with the same brush. It’s about recognizing a pattern that’s quietly reshaping the country—and asking what we lose when stability stops being the norm.
This series isn’t about doom—it’s about asking what we’re normalizing, and at what cost.
I can recognize (better than most) that when you get into data and graphs, a whole world of hell and argument opens up. So I'm hesitant to just be a nerd and say "where's your data?"
Nonetheless, when you say things are "weakening across the board" it's kinda a quantitative statement, isn't it? I think you need to follow up this excellent article with some Big Data.
Totally get it—and honestly, I love that you brought this up. I'm a data nerd too, but most people mentally tap out the second they see a chart, so this piece went straight for the gut.
The data’s there, though, and it backs every line.
Just a few big-picture snapshots:
– Father absence? The U.S. Census shows about 23% of American kids—roughly 1 in 4—grow up without a dad at home. That’s nearly triple what it was in 1960. – Outcomes? CDC Youth Risk reports and DOJ stats show kids from fatherless homes are 4x more likely to live in poverty and almost 3x more likely to carry a weapon or get caught up in drugs. – Marriage stability? Pew's long-term surveys show just over 50% of U.S. adults are married today, down from 72% in 1960. The divorce rate looks “steady” only because fewer people bother marrying at all. – Emotional breakdowns? Recent studies from Stanford and the General Social Survey show rising estrangement between adult children and parents, and siblings who haven’t spoken in years. So yeah—sometimes the family “looks” intact, but it’s emotionally wrecked underneath.
If anyone wants to dig deeper, I recommend checking:
• U.S. Census – Living Arrangements of Children
• Pew Research – Marriage and Family
• CDC Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance
• General Social Survey (GSS) – Kin Contact & Estrangement modules
• Research by Joshua Coleman on family estrangement
I’ll probably do a follow-up post just diving into this side of things more fully. But my mission here was to wake people up, not lull them to sleep with pie charts.
Thanks. I'm particularly interested in "Recent studies from Stanford and the General Social Survey show rising estrangement between adult children and parents, and siblings who haven’t spoken in years. " Links?
From my own (anecdotal) experience, this is VERY common. Journalists like to focus on politics as the cause, but I don't think that's it.
One particular anecdote that's touching: I have one cousin who was seemingly estranged permanently from his entire family. His sister reconciled with him, after the parents were gone, and I only found out about it on Facebook!
I agree with all your comments. But the factoid no-one will mention, because we've become so good at making life easy, is that IT'S HARD. We've managed to eliminate physical work from our lives.
Yay.
No-one uses an actual shovel to dig ditches anymore.
We've managed to avoid ever being hungry or thirsty.
At first these developments seem good, the natural result of living in a Godly society, until we try applying them to our personal life. True, we're using our God-given intelligence to replace a shovel with a backhoe. The same intelligence lets us develop strains of corn that are so big, lets us take advantage of other advances that have ended hunger.
We should distinguish between the "hard" that makes practical life easier and the "hard" that living life the way God designed will sometimes lead to. They're different.
Yes—so well said. We’ve mastered the art of eliminating discomfort from our physical lives, but somewhere along the way, we started treating emotional, relational, and moral work the same way—like it was optional. Like it was too “hard” to stay married, too “draining” to discipline kids, too “outdated” to uphold commitment or sacrifice.
But you’re right: not all hard things are bad. Some hard things are holy. Some are the very things that give life weight, shape, meaning.
We weren’t designed for ease—we were designed for endurance. And when we strip life of all struggle, we also strip it of resilience, responsibility, and growth.
Thanks for this—it’s a powerful reminder that “easy” isn’t always good… and “hard” isn’t always bad.
The last sentence says it all, but there’s no “maybe” about it. You are right, the best way to “fix” this is focus on the family, making family and raising kids the priority. Not raising them to be super kids, not keeping the family together to achieve the super family, but decency, caring, and learning to love, respect and help support a unified family. An almost impossible task when outside forces, our culture, does everything to break it apart. I do believe it is slowly improving, people are becoming their own agency and creating alternative solutions. We’re still clawing our way back from the Covid tyranny.
Exactly. It’s not about perfection or performance—it’s about presence, decency, and showing up. That alone is revolutionary in a culture designed to tear families apart and keep us distracted, divided, and dependent.
I agree—there’s a quiet shift happening. More people are waking up, pulling away from the noise, and rebuilding from the ground up. It’s messy. It’s slow. But it’s real. And it starts exactly where you said: by making family the priority again.
Sometimes it’s mum who leaves. Often she takes the kids. Sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes it’s for good reason. Sometimes it’s not. There are fathers who leave, and there are fathers who are kept away
In any case, the kids suffer most
Absolutely. It’s not always the father who walks—it’s not always anyone’s fault in a clean, black-and-white way. Sometimes people leave because they have to. Sometimes they’re pushed out. And sometimes the ones who stay aren’t really there either.
But you're right: no matter who leaves, the kids are the ones who carry the fallout.
This isn’t about blaming one parent over the other—it’s about calling out the deeper fracture in how we treat family as disposable. When adults get caught in their own chaos, it’s the kids who end up raising themselves in the wreckage.
Thanks for naming that. We can’t fix what we won’t fully face.
Being a life long resident of "fly-over country", raised in a stable household of 7 children, married to another of 7 children, having raised 4 our own and now giving our best to the new grandchildren, all stable marriages and households, I absolutely cannot relate to the majority of which you speak. All life is a choice. Some are harder than others. That's where character and commitment comes in. I have little compassion for those who give up at the slightest challenge. Dig deeper
And honestly, I respect the hell out of that. What you describe is becoming rare—and that’s exactly why I’m writing about it. The fact that so many can’t relate to stability anymore is the point. It used to be normal. Now it’s almost countercultural.
You’re right—life is about choices, and character matters. But let’s not pretend everyone is handed the same starting line. Some people are born into chaos, brokenness, or generational wounds so deep they don’t even know what “normal” looks like. That doesn’t excuse giving up—but it does explain why so many are lost before they even begin.
We need voices like yours that have lived stability—not to shame others, but to model what’s still possible. Because you're proof that it can be done. And we need more of that.
Lots of mom's and dad's want little Sally or Johnny to be Rock Star's, Movie Stars, or Pro athletes. Just being a good neighbor would be something that needs taught in today's world also.....
Exactly. We’ve convinced an entire generation that if their kid isn’t gifted, branded, or breaking records by 12, they’ve failed. But what about raising a kid who’s kind? Loyal? Shows up on time? Keeps their word?
Being a good neighbor, friend, spouse, or parent used to be enough. Now it’s treated like settling. But maybe that’s the real success we forgot how to measure.
I think it would be more interesting to look at families that are NOT falling apart. If 1 out of 4 kids grow up in a house without a father, that means 3 out of 4 do have a father.
At least in my extended family and group of college friends, it's been more common for a marriage to be ended by death of a partner rather than divorce.
In fairness, in that group it's also extremely common for at least one child to be permanently estranged from parents, or the siblings from each other.
Totally respect that perspective—and it’s a good reminder that not every story is bleak. But the broader picture still matters. We're seeing a deep cultural shift where family bonds—whether through absence, silence, or unresolved wounds—are weakening across the board.
This isn’t about painting everyone with the same brush. It’s about recognizing a pattern that’s quietly reshaping the country—and asking what we lose when stability stops being the norm.
This series isn’t about doom—it’s about asking what we’re normalizing, and at what cost.
I can recognize (better than most) that when you get into data and graphs, a whole world of hell and argument opens up. So I'm hesitant to just be a nerd and say "where's your data?"
Nonetheless, when you say things are "weakening across the board" it's kinda a quantitative statement, isn't it? I think you need to follow up this excellent article with some Big Data.
Totally get it—and honestly, I love that you brought this up. I'm a data nerd too, but most people mentally tap out the second they see a chart, so this piece went straight for the gut.
The data’s there, though, and it backs every line.
Just a few big-picture snapshots:
– Father absence? The U.S. Census shows about 23% of American kids—roughly 1 in 4—grow up without a dad at home. That’s nearly triple what it was in 1960. – Outcomes? CDC Youth Risk reports and DOJ stats show kids from fatherless homes are 4x more likely to live in poverty and almost 3x more likely to carry a weapon or get caught up in drugs. – Marriage stability? Pew's long-term surveys show just over 50% of U.S. adults are married today, down from 72% in 1960. The divorce rate looks “steady” only because fewer people bother marrying at all. – Emotional breakdowns? Recent studies from Stanford and the General Social Survey show rising estrangement between adult children and parents, and siblings who haven’t spoken in years. So yeah—sometimes the family “looks” intact, but it’s emotionally wrecked underneath.
If anyone wants to dig deeper, I recommend checking:
• U.S. Census – Living Arrangements of Children
• Pew Research – Marriage and Family
• CDC Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance
• General Social Survey (GSS) – Kin Contact & Estrangement modules
• Research by Joshua Coleman on family estrangement
I’ll probably do a follow-up post just diving into this side of things more fully. But my mission here was to wake people up, not lull them to sleep with pie charts.
Appreciate the push to stay sharp—seriously.
Thanks. I'm particularly interested in "Recent studies from Stanford and the General Social Survey show rising estrangement between adult children and parents, and siblings who haven’t spoken in years. " Links?
From my own (anecdotal) experience, this is VERY common. Journalists like to focus on politics as the cause, but I don't think that's it.
One particular anecdote that's touching: I have one cousin who was seemingly estranged permanently from his entire family. His sister reconciled with him, after the parents were gone, and I only found out about it on Facebook!
This is the sad story of the west and liberalism and not just an American problem, Canada is just as adrift.